Hey Prongs, Why’s Your Dog Stealing Toy Bunnies?
by Lola the Coconut
Summary: As a Hogwarts student, Sirius was crazy enough, but with a little unwelcome help from a certain someone, who knows what Hogwarts will end up looking like when this ordeal is over? R&R!
1. Prologue

**Hey Prongs, Why's Your Dog Stealing Toy Bunnies?**  
  
As a Hogwarts student, Sirius was crazy enough, but with a little unwelcome help from a certain someone, who knows what Hogwarts will end up looking like when this ordeal is over?  
  
** Prologue**  
  
The clock struck twelve as a boy with very unclean black hair crept towards the Gryffindor house table.  
  
As the boy neared his destination, he looked once again towards the small orange bottle in his hand. As it always had, the bottle's label read:  
  
'**Sir Johnny Bumpkin's Insanity Potion  
Like nothing you've ever seen.  
Will give hours of torture to you're victim, but ages of fun for you!  
Duration time: 288 hrs.'  
**  
Smirking, the boy emptied the contents of the bottle into a golden drinking goblet.

A/N Please review! Write anything you want! I will update soon!


	2. Chapter I – The Insanity Begins

**Hey Prongs, Why's Your Dog Stealing Toy Bunnies?  
**  
As a Hogwarts student, Sirius was crazy enough, but with a little unwelcome help from a certain someone, who knows what Hogwarts will end up looking like when this ordeal is over?

**Chapter I – The Insanity Begins**  
  
The new day opened as Remus Lupin opened his eyes.  
  
_ARGH!! I'M BLIND!! blink, blink Oh, it's just the sun. Damn it! Why did I have to pick the bed directly across from the east window?! looks around Well, look's like I'm the first one up, as usual. Oh, hey! Padfoot's up and... WHAT IN THE NAME OF HOLY HIPPOGRYFFS IS HE DOING!?!  
_  
Sirius Black was on his bed, and apparently finger-painting on the head and footboards of his bed.  
  
"Traa laa laa, look at all the pretty colours!" sang the obviously deranged Sirius, while painting very rough outlines of bunnies and flowers on the wooden boards with his finger.  
  
"Uhhh, Padfoot, do us all a favour and shut up!" muttered James, who had just woken up.  
  
"But whyyyyy?!?! Whyyy Prongsie??? I wanna sing!!"  
  
"No! You're waking everyone up!"  
  
"Both of you are waking people up!" grumbled Peter Pettigrew.  
  
"Tee hee! Wormtail's a grumbly bumbly!!" giggled Sirius.  
  
"Why you little..." raged Peter  
  
"Hey, calm down, Wormy!" said James, although he was smiling broadly.  
  
Paying no heed to James' words, Peter then started to chase a madly giggling Sirius around the dormitory. Meanwhile in all of the chaos, all of their other dorm-mates had woken up.  
  
"Wow! This is amazing!" exclaimed Frank Longbottom jokingly, "All four of the Marauders are up before breakfast!"  
  
"Oh my god! This is a once in a lifetime event!" replied Fahaz Patil in the same tone, and both of them proceeded to crack up in peals of wild laughter.  
  
"Very funny guys!" said Remus, smiling gently.  
  
"Yeah," protested James "I'll have you know tha..." Just then James was interrupted by a loud crash. Peter has lunged at Sirius, but that had only ended up with both of them in a tangled heap at the foot of Sirius' artfully painted bed.  
  
"You know, if we all don't hurry up, we're going to miss breakfast!" remarked Remus.


	3. Chapter II – Breakfast

**Hey Prongs, Why's Your Dog Stealing Toy Bunnies?**  
  
As a Hogwarts student, Sirius was crazy enough, but with a little unwelcome help from a certain someone, who knows what Hogwarts will end up looking like when this ordeal is over?

* * *

** Chapter II – Breakfast**  
  
All of the boys managed to untangle Peter and Sirius and get ready without much excitement (except for Sirius squirting toothpaste all over the washroom) and headed down to breakfast. Though I don't blame the boys, with Sirius' current condition, they should have known what was coming.  
  
Trouble struck almost as soon they entered the Great Hall.  
  
"FOOD! LOT'S AND LOT'S OF FOOOOOD!" cried someone who I think you'll know (ahemSiriusahem). Before anyone could register in their brains what was happening, said insane person had dived across the Slytherin's table and had started to eat everything edible in sight.  
  
Finally understanding what was happening, the remaining Marauders ran over and dragged Sirius away.  
  
There was a lot of noise in the Hall at that moment. Students laughing, students screaming (BLACK, YOU RUINED MY NEW BLOUSE! THAT COST MY FATHER 8 GALLEONS!), teachers shouting (WHAT IN THE NAME OF GRINDLEWALD ARE YOU DOING MR. BLACK!?), and a student singing (FOOD, FOOD, GLORIOUS FOOD, FILL ME RIGHT UP...){guess who?}.  
  
"Honestly Padfoot, what's gotten into you?" demanded James, "First the fingerpaint, then the toothpaste, and now this...this...this gluttony!"  
  
Always the 'voice of reason', Remus spoke up. "Calm down Prongs. It's been a very stressful time for our ol' Paddie, I mean with all of the, um, stuff that he's been, um, doing in the past, um, few, ummmm..." James and Peter both watched him with an air of amused disbelieving. "...with all of the, ummmm...OH SCREW IT!!"  
  
"What's wrong, my dear Moony?" asked James innocently, "Have you finally found a question that you can't answer?"  
  
"Oh, go boil your heads in polyjuice potion!" replied Remus in amusement.  
  
James gave a gasp of fake astonishment. "Tsk, tsk, Moony! Such language!"  
  
"Um, guys?" interjected Peter, "If we don't start eating soon, the food's all going to be gone."  
  
"Yeah, so!"  
  
"Well, it's Blueberry Waffle Day, and I'm getting hungry!!"  
  
And through all of this time, James, Remus, and Peter had failed to notice that Sirius had found his way to the Hufflepuff table and had started trying to carve rabbits in the strawberry jam, much to the annoyance of the students also sitting at the table, who were trying, in vain, to maintain their image of patience.

* * *

I would like to thank the following reviewers in this section (note: even those who don't have remarks beside their name have my thanks):  
  
gabwr

Moony vs. Padfoot – :) :) :)

PadfootObssesed329

DimTwilight – Luv the little scene! May I have your permission to use it?

Madderthanyou – You know, I wasn't planning on doing any romance with Sirius, but I might squeeze stuff in if it fits!  
  
A/N: I will update soon! In the mean time, REVIEW!!!


	4. Chapter III – Breakfast: Part 2

**Hey Prongs, Why's Your Dog Stealing Toy Bunnies?**

As a Hogwarts student, Sirius was crazy enough, but with a little unwelcome help from a certain someone, who knows what Hogwarts will end up looking like when this ordeal is over?

Disclaimer: I'm sooo sorry! I didn't put one of there in my first three chapters, so here is one now. I do not own anything that you recognize from anywhere else but this story!

* * *

**Chapter III – Breakfast, Part 2**

It was only when breakfast ended when the 3 boys noticed that their, um, temporarily mentally challenged friend was no longer in their companionship.

"Hey, Moony," inquired James, "where'd Padfoot go?"

"No, I haven't!" replied Remus, suddenly realizing the danger this could mean. "Oi, Wormtail,"

"What?" said Peter through a large clump of waffle and syrup.

"Have you seen Padfoot?"

"Nope!" declared Peter, reaching for the muffins.

"Then where can he be…" pondered Remus.

"Ahem, excuse me, Mr. Lupin?" said Prof. Dumbledore, as he came up from behind.

"Yeah?"

"I do believe that Mr. Black is at the Hufflepuff table."

"Hufflepuff? What would he be doing there?"

"It seems to me that he is experimenting with a medium of art which other artists have never before attempted to use."

That apparently stirred James' attention, for it was that moment that he sprang up from his seat with a loud "PADFOOT???" And there indeed, on the Hufflepuff table, was a jam covered Sirius, chirping like a toddler.

"Ugggh! Padfoot!" groaned the sane Marauders.

"Padfoot, what are you doing?!" cried James.

Sirius giggled, "Lookee all my bunnies," indicating to the lumps of jelly that surrounded him.

"Um, er, ah, very nice" commented Peter in a strained voice.

"Yeah, yeah! See. This one," said Sirius, pointing to a lump that looked like a mutated snowman, "his name is Bobo!"

Just then, the bell rang.

"Come on, let's get going!" sighed James.

So with that, the three boys grabbed a protesting Sirius and dragged him out of the Great Hall.

**

* * *

**

**Shoutouts:**

- William the Bloody / Spike

- dobbyfan18 – Of course you can use the name!

- evil-pillow - :] :] :]

- DimTwilight – Thanks!

A/N: Thanks to all of the reviewers! I promise to update soon! In the mean time, REVIEW PLEASE!!!


	5. Chapter IV Class

Hey Prongs, Why's Your Dog Stealing Toy Bunnies?

As a Hogwarts student, Sirius was crazy enough, but with a little unwelcome help from a certain someone, who knows what Hogwarts will end up looking like when this ordeal is over?

Disclaimer: As always, anything recognizable is NOT mine.

* * *

Chapter IV – Class

"Good morning class!" squeaked Professor Flitwick. A few mumbled hellos and 'mornings were heard around the classroom. "Ahem, well then, today we will be learning a new spell, so books away, wands out!"

Suddenly the room was filled with flurry of movement. "Right, so you all learned the Cheering Charm last year, correct (they're in the fourth year)?"

Everyone nodded. "Good, because today we will be learning the Depressing Charm, which is a little more difficult. The incantation is _Diventi Tenebroso_. Everyone, say it with me: _Diventi Tenebroso_. Good! Now all of you pair up and try it with wands!" Everyone hurried off to try the spell.

Each of the Marauders pared off together: James with Remus and Peter with Sirius.

All of the pairs set to work, trying to master the charm, but Sirius, in his current state, had other ideas.

"Wwwooorrrmmmyyyy!"

"Yep?"

"Can I pwease have firsties?"

"sigh Yes Padfoot."

"Oh boy! Goodie!" squealed Sirius, "_Realice Tirones!_

"Arrrggghhh!" cried Peter as he started to perform amazing flips across the floor.

"Pettigrew!" squeaked the professor as he tried to get Peter to stay still long enough for him to perform the counter spell.

After a few minutes, finally: "_Finite Incantatem_"

"Oh thank god! Oh thank Merlin! Oh thank the Holy Hippocampus! Oh thank…" gasped Peter as he tried to catch his breath.

"Padfoot! Why'd ya do that? I mean its one thing to prank others, but your own pranking mates?"

"But Pongsie, it was funny!" giggled Sirius.

"Mr. Black!" called Professor Flitwick, "That little episode will cost you a detention with me tonight at seven."

"Aww, ptooey! That means that I'll have no time to paint!" whined Sirius.

"That was your decision to misbehave, so it's your problem." Said Prof. Flitwick, not knowing the full meaning of 'paint'. Lucky him!

"Nooooo!" cried Sirius, "You can't part me from my painting time! You CAN"T!" He was on his knees now, "I MUST have my painting! WHY has god forsaken me!"

"Come on Padfoot, it's only one night" Peter reasoned.

"Pity it couldn't be more!" muttered James.

"Wha? What does he mean by painting?" asked a confused Fahaz.

"Did you see what he was doing this morning?" replied Remus.

A look of dawning realization came across his face. "Ohhhhh…"

"Alright then, there no more to see here, so all of you, please continue your work on the charm!" instructed Flitwick.

* * *

Later on that day, after all of the classes had finished, the four boys sat down to dinner, three restraining the pouting other from bounding off to who knows where.

"Come on, Padfoot, just sit!" pleaded Remus.

"NOOOOOOO!" cried Sirius.

"Look, Padfoot, there's mashed potatoes! You love those!" wheedled Peter.

"Me no wanna!" whined you-know-who (no, not Voledemort!)

"I'll give you candy!" bargained James.

"A thoughtful expression crossed Sirius' face. "Okay!" he said, and plopped down.

Suddenly, James spotted a flash of bright red hair at the other end of the table.

"Hey, it's Evans!" he cried "Evans! Will you go out with me?"

Lilly turned and saw who had shouted. "The day stars shine green in a yellow sky!" she replied coldly, and turned away.

Sighing, James put his head down on the table. "WHYYYY! Why will she not go out with me! What do I have to do?"

Remus patted James on the elbow sympathetically. "What you need to do is give her romantic signs that you're actually interested in her, not that you want her to be your next 'girl of the week'"

"Yeah!" supported Peter.

"Alright, but what kind of signs?" asked James.

As if on cue, Sirius suddenly shot out of his seat and shouted for the whole school to hear: "Wiwwy! Pongsi wuvs you!"

"Signs that are not like that!" laughed Remus.

"Mmm. Hey Padfoot!" said James.

"Yeth?" smiled Sirius.

"Thanks a lot for that!" said James, voice dripping with sarcasm.

"Your welcome Pongsie!" replied Sirius brightly.

"Uggh"


	6. Chapter V Dinner Continues

Hey Prongs, Why's Your Dog Stealing Toy Bunnies?

As a Hogwarts student, Sirius was crazy enough, but with a little unwelcome help from a certain someone, who knows what Hogwarts will end up looking like when this ordeal is over?

Disclaimer: Que sera, sera…

PS: I am soooo sorry for the long wait. Then again, it _has_ been almost two years. Again, really, really sorry!

* * *

Chapter V – Dinner Continues

"Hey, how's my favourite cousin?" came a light, airy voice.

"WHEEE! IT'S ANDIE!" cried Sirius, bounding around and around the surprised girl as if she was a maypole.

"Umm, what's with Sirius?" asked the girl.

"Oh, it's nothing really, ANDIE." replied James jokingly.

"Please don't call me that." said the girl, with a smile on her face.

"Of course, Andromeda, dear." grinned Remus.

"You know what I mean. So really, what's with my cousin?" asked Andromeda, gesturing to Sirius, who was now bouncing up and down the aisle, screaming "FOLLOW THE BUTTERFLIES!"

"Oh, well, he's kinda been like that all day. So, what's new in Hufflepuff?" posed Peter.

"Well, it's my seventh year now, so we're all studying hard. Oh, yeah, and you know Tatiana Kolev?" said Andromeda.

"Yeah?" asked James.

"Well, she went to visit her grandparents in Bulgaria this summer, and apparently, she "fell in love" with this, Encho Krum, and she won't shut up about him!" she complained.

"Well, if it's anything like you and Tonks, we can probably expect another wedding." teased James.

"Hey!" she protested.

"Aww, Andie, we all like him, you know that!" said Remus soothingly.

"Right, I'm going to go back to my table. See you later!" replied Andromeda over her shoulder as she walked away.

"FUZZY SPIDERS WILL TAP DANCE FOREVER!" proclaimed Sirius loudly, running down the aisle.

Meanwhile, at the Slytherine table, a hooked-nosed boy smirked to himself as he watched Sirius from under his lids.

* * *

"Sirius! Padfoot, where are you!"

"Give it up, Moony, there's no point. Besides, he should be able to find his way back to the tower."

It was now after dinner, and Sirius had long since disappeared. The three boys were wearily making their way back up to the Gryffindor tower.

When they arrived at the almost vacated common room, the found Sirius by the fireplace, gazing into a crystal ball.

"Guys, look! There's a bunny!" he chirped without looking up.

"What? You actually see something in that thing!" James asked, hurrying over.

"Ya! See, the fog makes a bunny right…there! Hey, where'd it go?" Sirius' bottom lip quivered, and he looked ready to cry.

"Wait, where did you get that?" Remus asked suspiciously.

"Oh, it's easy! _Accio Crystal Balls_!" he replied, cheering up instantly.

There was a moment of silence, then, the Fat Lady screamed, the portrait opened, and then, a dozen crystal balls came flying through the air, straight towards their heads.

"AHHH! DUCK FOR COVER!" screamed Peter.

Everyone except for Sirius leaped headfirst to the ground, while he leaped around the room, trying to catch the balls, and giggling childishly.

"Padfoot, mate, are you trying to get killed!" James hollered from his position on the ground.

His only reply was a very high pitched "WHEEEEEEEE!"


End file.
